Why I Write... the Way I Write

Written by Fred Ferguson – GeezerWise Feb 14, 2026

I tore the rear-view mirror off in ’93.

Not because the road behind me didn’t matter.

But because I was done steering by it.

I didn’t grow up fitting neatly into anything.

• I was the fat kid.

• Not “a little chubby.”

• The fat kid.

The one who tried to disappear in group photos.

• The one who learned early that silence felt safer than swinging.

• At first I wouldn’t fight.

• Then one day I did.

And when I finally swung, I didn’t know how to stop.

• That became a pattern.

• Too quiet.

• Then too much.

• No middle ground.

I started smoking young.

Drinking came later.

I told myself it was to fit in.

Truth?

It was to dull the edges.

To smooth the friction.

To quiet the part of me that never quite lined up with the room.

But I didn’t drink socially.

I drank like I did everything else.

All the way.

• Hard.

• Then Too hard.

In 1993 I quit.

Not tapered.

Quit.

In 2000 I quit smoking too.

Lost the weight in the mid-90s.

Rebuilt myself from scratch.

Brick by brick.

No applause.

No parade.

Just decisions.

I didn’t start writing until 2025.

Seventy-something years old before I put my voice on the page.

And when I did?

It didn’t come out in tidy paragraphs.

It came out like this.

Short bursts.

Breath.

Punch.

Lots of Space.

Because that’s how I think.

That’s how I survived.

That’s how I rebuilt.

I don’t write in long, smooth, polite blocks because I don’t live in long, smooth, polite blocks.

I tried monotone living.

It nearly flattened me.

So no… I won’t write like a textbook.

I won’t round the edges to make it easier to digest.

I write what I love to read.

• Clear.

• Direct.

Alive.

Some people will find it exhausting.

Fair enough.

I find beige exhausting.

This is the first year of my life where I actually like the way my thoughts sound.

That’s not formatting.

That’s freedom.

And I’m not going back.

— GeezerWise

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— Fred Ferguson
GeezerWise

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