Letting Go Isn’t Losing—It’s Getting Out of Your Own Way
Letters to My Son… If I Had One by Fred Ferguson (GeezerWise)
Dear Son,
I used to think letting go meant giving up.
That it meant losing ground.
Losing control.
Losing me.
So I clung to things—tight.
My opinions.
My story.
My grudges.
My need to be seen a certain way.
I called it “being strong.”
But really, it was fear.
Fear that if I loosened my grip, everything would fall apart—including me.
But here’s what I learned—slowly, painfully, and sometimes kicking and screaming:
Letting go isn’t losing.
It’s getting out of your own way.
See, ego doesn’t like surrender.
Ego wants the wheel.
It wants to control outcomes, manage appearances, win arguments, and protect you from looking weak—even if that means never being free.
In recovery, I had to let go of a thousand things I thought were part of me.
Old lies I told myself.
Old roles I played.
Old habits I used to feel safe, even if they were killing me.
It was terrifying at first.
But you know what I found?
The less I held onto, the more I became myself.
Not the self I invented to survive.
The real one—the one I’d buried under all that trying.
Letting go of ego didn’t make me smaller.
It made me lighter.
It made me kinder.
It made me honest.
These days, I still get caught holding on too tight.
To being right.
To being understood.
To being seen a certain way.
But when I catch it now, I breathe and ask,
“What am I afraid will happen if I let this go?”
And usually, the answer isn’t nearly as scary as I thought.
If I had a son, I’d want him to hear this…
Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve lost.
It means you’re finally done carrying what was never yours to hold.
Love,
Fred [GeezerWise]
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