How Ego Hides Behind Good Intentions
Letters to My Son… If I Had One by Fred Ferguson (GeezerWise)
Dear Son,
I used to think ego only showed up in loudmouths and show-offs.
You know, the ones who brag, interrupt, or make everything about them.
But over time, I learned something way more uncomfortable:
Ego doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers.
It says things like:
“Look how helpful you’re being…”
“Look how selfless that was…”
“They’d be lost without you.”
That’s when ego is at its most dangerous—when it hides behind good intentions.
I’ve done a lot of “generous” things in my life for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes I helped people not because they truly needed it—but because I needed to feel important.
I gave advice so I could sound wise.
I forgave someone, not to heal, but so I could wear the mask of “the bigger man.”
I didn’t always know I was doing it.
That’s what makes it tricky: it looks like kindness on the outside… but it’s control, pride, or approval-seeking underneath.
In long-term sobriety, I had to face this truth hard.
There were times I spoke in meetings not to help someone else—but to be seen as the one who had it figured out.
I’d say, “I’m just trying to be of service,” but if I didn’t get a nod or a compliment afterward… I felt strangely disappointed.
That’s ego.
Hiding in plain sight.
Doing the right thing—but needing applause to make it feel real.
The good news is… once you see it, you can work with it.
You can still help. Still give. Still show up.
But from a cleaner place.
A place where your worth isn’t measured by how useful, wise, or spiritual you appear.
Sometimes ego hides in the light.
Shining a flashlight on it doesn’t make you bad.
It just means you’re finally paying attention.
If I had a son, I’d want him to hear this…
Check your motives gently—but often.
Even good deeds can be ego’s disguise.
But the more honest you are with yourself, the less you’ll need a costume in the first place.
Love,
Fred [GeezerWise]
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