Be Who You Are, Not Who They Tell You to Be
Dear Son,
If I had one wish for you, it wouldn’t be success.
It wouldn’t be money.
It wouldn’t even be happiness.
It would be this:
Be who you are. Not who they tell you to be.
Because the world—well-meaning or not—will try to shape you.
Into something easier.
Quieter.
Straighter.
Harder.
Colder.
Or just less.
I know this because I lived it.
I wore masks for years. I tried to act tougher than I was. I tried to feel things that I didn’t, and hide the feelings that I did. I followed paths I had no business walking down, just because I thought that’s what a man was supposed to do. I thought if I didn’t measure up to what others expected of me, I wasn’t enough.
Turns out the opposite was true.
I was more than enough when I finally let go of who I was pretending to be.
It took me decades—and more pain than I like to admit—to understand that authenticity is freedom.
Not a performance.
Not a checklist.
Not a punishment.
You don’t have to earn your worth. You were born with it.
That includes your gender.
That includes who you love.
That includes the things about you that make other people uncomfortable just because they don’t understand.
Let them be confused. Let them judge if they must.
You don’t owe anyone your conformity.
You only owe yourself your truth.
Now, I don’t have religion to fall back on. But I do believe with everything in me that something bigger than us shaped each of us with intention.
And I don’t believe for a second that a divine creator made any junk.
Not you.
Not the quiet kid.
Not the gay kid.
Not the trans kid.
Not the neurodivergent one.
Not the kid with more questions than answers.
You are not a problem to be solved.
You are a light to be lived.
So if you ever feel like you don’t fit—good.
It means you’re not trying to shrink yourself into someone else's mold.
Be weird. Be loud. Be gentle. Be soft. Be fierce. Be real.
But above all, be you.
It’s the bravest thing you’ll ever do.
And the only thing that will ever feel like home.
Love,
Dad
(if I had one to write this to)
📌 This letter was written by Fred Ferguson (GeezerWise). If it spoke to you, I’d love to hear back—just hit reply.
💭 Got a question, memory, or topic you'd like me to write a letter about? Hit reply and let me know—I won’t respond individually, but I may turn it into a future letter. Consider it a suggestion box for the soul.
💌 Know someone who’d appreciate this? Forward it or invite them to subscribe at www.geezerwise.com.
⚠️ If you see a message below about pledging support—that’s Substack’s way of letting readers chip in if they want. Totally optional but always appreciated if this work means something to you.
—Fred [GeezerWise]